They say we have no memory for pain. I’ve heard this as an explanation as to why women continue to deliver children naturally, although I’m inclined to believe this is more due to the pleasurable memories of making babies rather than amnesia of their birth. Though it’s true that our bodies won’t allow us to re-experience a broken bone or torn muscle through sheer will, our state of mind in the wake of pain is something we don’t soon forget. Losing your virginity can be so painful for people it puts them off sex for a period. The pain of losing a friend, lover, or family member causes grief and emotional damage that we may carry with us our entire lives. In the same vein, reliving the ignorance and intolerance of our youth and early education can recall a very particular pain, that we’d hope had been forgotten. I think enough proverbial ink has been spilled on Miss California, and her decision to not only share her ‘ideals’ at the Miss USA pageant, but also to steadfastly claim she has no regrets, and I’d like to say it doesn’t bother me. Another pretty, stupid, girl from a conservative family who thinks that everything Ma, Pa, and her minister have told her is the gospel truth. Hell, Britney Spears, who owes her entire comeback and career to the gays, was a Bush supporter to the bitter end, and if she’d be conscious for any of the previous election would probably have supported McCain. We know that sometimes the pretty Barbie dolls we put up on pedestals don’t always think we deserve to play with Ken the same way.
What bothered me is not that it’s 2010 and people outside of politics and religion still find venues and opportunities to espouse ‘traditional values,’ but that so much attention is given to someone on this topic whose only claim to fame is her ability to not look ridiculous in heels and a bikini, sit still for 90 minutes while her teeth are whitened and her hair is bleached, and pretend that a shiny tiara gives her license to be a spokesperson for the American family. Like the popular girl in high school, who drove the nicest car, and whose daddy owned a lot of guns, we look to these people because we can’t take our eyes off them, but when they open their mouths we find them to be just as disappointing and vapid as all the tragic beauties we’d seen before.
We may not have a memory for pain, but you can never forget how it feels when your Catholic school teacher, priest, friend, coach, director, or whomever talks about homosexuality as a sin, and for the first time in middle school you realize that means you. We grow, we accept, and we surround ourselves with like-minded people who accept us for who we are, but it only takes one empty-headed blond to make you feel like you’re on the playground again, wondering why Erin doesn’t think you should play with the girls anymore, and should go play football with the boys. As if!
If my friend's can endure a dislocated hip and pelvis, a scalded foot, neck pain, and a variety of other sex-related injuries, and continue dating, it seems there are some pleasures that are definitely worth the pain. Losing someone you love, as Adam Lambert so eloquently sang, “If I can’t have you, I don’t want nobody baby,” can take much longer to overcome, but the courage to do so is what will eventually allow us to triumph over ignorance and intolerance.
So, I’m happy for Miss California’s 15 minutes to run out, because they will, and soon, if not already. If anything I hope she bolstered our cause here in CA and all over the country, because when we do achieve equal rights, it will be an unparalleled pleasure that we won’t ever forget.
